We truly believe in and honor the beauty of marriage as something that is a privilege, a choice, and a blessing. No one ever said marriage would be easy, but the idea of a lasting, life-long marriage shouldn’t seem like an improbability. In a society that makes divorce sound like an escape route when a couple drifts apart, we want to remind couples that marriage is about more than happiness – it’s a journey through the ups and downs of life, the choice to stand by, support and love another person despite and during the difficulties, to encourage and celebrate in the good times.
With the daily tasks, the difficult seasons, and the comfort that builds through the years, many couples may find themselves in seasons where the passion has died down and their relationship isn’t as exciting and enjoyable as it once was. That’s why it’s so important to keep the romance alive, whether you’re still in the newlywed stage, you just had your first child or you’re preparing for an empty nest.
Think About Why You First Fell in Love
Whether you’re focused on your futures or caught up in the day-to-day hustle, you may forget to reminisce and think about the special moments that established your relationship as something special, and who you were when you fell in love. And that doesn’t mean comparing the charming boy who swept you off your feet to the "snoring slob" he’s become; we mean simply stopping to think, “Dang, my husband is really funny.” “She has the best smile in the world.” “Do you remember that time we…” And although people change and you might not be the same boy and girl you were when you met, those love birds are still in there somewhere! Consider recreating your first date, revisiting the place you met, or simply talking your way through memory lane, not to compare but simply to enjoy the journey you’ve gone on together with the faith that there are more exciting memories yet to be made.
Try New Things
I remember when I was younger, I would look at my parents in their happy routine and dream about the day when I had my own comfort and safety in daily life with someone who understood me better than I knew myself. While all those feelings can be a constant, daily life itself can quickly feel mundane. Breaking out of the routine can be rejuvenating for a relationship. Make a plan to try something new together, whether it’s as simple as a new restaurant or hobby, or something bigger like visiting a new country or learning a language together.
Kiss Like You Mean It
Take a second to think about your very first kiss with your spouse, long before the wedding day. And then think about the way you kissed about a month into the relationship. Do you still kiss like that? When did passionate kissing and making out on the couch turn to quick pecks while running out the door or tucking into bed? When did we stop kissing like our spouse is the hottest human on the planet, like we can’t get enough of them? Next time your spouse tries to give you a quick kiss before leaving the house, remember that any kiss could be your last, and give them a kiss so good they might run late for work.
Be Intentional with Your Together Time
We marry our spouse with the intention of doing life together, but if we aren’t careful, we spend too much time doing and not enough time simply being together. Make it a point to spend at least 30 minutes a day with your spouse, being intentional about knowing them and being with them. This might be a cup of coffee in the morning, taking a walk after work, reading to each other, or sitting down for dinner. Use meal times to create a no-phone-zone where you’re intentional about connecting and make sure you don’t use this time to simply tell your spouse what your to-do list is for the week or to give a honey-do list. Use this time to get to know your spouse, learn something together, and truly connect on a personal level.
Go On Dates
Continuing with the idea of being intentional, it can be so important to continue to date your spouse, long after the wedding day. A study conducted by the National Marriage Project concluded that date nights may foster stronger marriage relationships in the areas of communication, novelty, eros (romantic love), commitment and de-stressing. The study shows that “husbands and wives who engaged in couple time with their mates at least once a week were approximately 3.5 times more likely to report being ‘very happy’ in their marriages, compared to those who enjoyed less quality time with their spouse.” This can be as simple as getting out of the house together or carving out time at home after the kids have gone to bed to spend time doing something fun or relaxing to connect and enjoy each other's company.
Make Yourself Feel Attractive
One of the realities of life is that sex drive doesn’t always stay the same, and many marriages experience seasons where sex happens less frequently than one partner might desire. If you feel like this is an area that needs to be improved, an easy step to take can be to make yourself feel more attractive. When you feel better about yourself, your spouse will notice, and this may help to reignite a spark.
Talk About What You Need
There may be times when you feel like your relationship isn’t as good as it once was, but your spouse is perfectly content with the season you’re in, even if you feel like the lack of passion is obvious. Be open with your spouse about how you feel and what you think is missing so that they have a chance to respond to your concerns! The conversation may be as simple as saying, “I feel like we’re in a rut, and I know we’ve changed over the years, so I want to be intentional about drawing closer to each other again. I’d really love to go have some fun with you!”
Show Appreciation for Each Other
Nothing kills the romance quite like complaining, even if you’re in a busy and tiring season of life, so try doing the opposite and see what effect it has. Affirming your spouse for what they’ve done good will lift their spirits, and showing appreciation allows both partners to remember the best parts of the relationship and each other. Even if you feel that your spouse hasn’t done anything right for a while, do something kind to simply remind them that you love them and appreciate the relationship.
Surprise Your Spouse
Speak their love language and do kind little things to show your love. If your spouse’s main love language is gift-giving, buy them a new shirt and tell them that you want them to wear it for a date night. If acts of service are their language, bake their favorite dessert and surprise them after dinner. And remember that your love language may be different than your spouse’s, so make sure you’re surprising them with something that will have the greatest effect.
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