Some Weeks, It's Hard to Blog

Some weeks, it's harder to blog. I have this long list of potential blog titles that at some point or another I decided my readers would care about, but there are days when I sit down to my computer to write and come up absolutely blank. I can look at the topic I'm supposed to be writing and find it to be a complete waste of time; a million other wedding blogs have written on that subject and I feel like I have nothing new to add. I can look through the entire list of topics and feel that none of it is worth writing about, but I feel this pressure to post something new every week. Maybe it's because SEO is supposed to be so important, or perhaps it's the dust-covered English degree that's judging me, but more often than not, I write out of obligation rather than the joy of writing.

I have so many dreams of what it will look like when my business is my main focus (other than my husband and home), dreams of waking up and relaxing for an hour, getting ready for my day, working in my glam home office, heading downtown for a walk and a coffee-shop change of scenery mid-day, followed by a client meeting or two before heading home to cook dinner and cozy up with my husband. Having the ability to pace my work, savor the moments, meet with clients any time, and truly be in charge of my day has such an appeal to it. But for now, I wake up tired and rush off to the office at 7:30 am, just to sit at a job I don't enjoy for 8 hours until I can get off work, head home, spend a few hours working on business or attending client meetings, cook dinner and clean up around the house and then finally have a chance to sit down around 8 pm, tired from a busy day.

So much of life feels like it's out of my control, but the moments I enjoy the most out of every day are the times I spend talking with clients, and the evenings when I curl up on the couch next to my husband, a book in my hand.

The thing is, I love my business and my clients so much, not only because the work is fulfilling and I thoroughly enjoy being a part of this momentous occasion for so many couples, but also because of what this business may one day provide for me - the lifestyle I want, the control over my day to day, the ability to create, find and appreciate more of the moments that make life fulfilling. But it takes time to build a business that can stand on its own. There is so much that goes into building a successful business, and even if you do everything right, some businesses still fail. It's terrifying to face that possibility, and while I work my ass off to make sure that doesn't happen, there are weeks when my depression and anxiety creep in to tell me I'm not good enough, that there's always going to be someone who's better, that I should just give up.

So that's why I'm writing this personal post. This may not be the blog about the best love songs for weddings (but really, that's been overdone, why was that even on my list?), but it's a post about honesty and vulnerability. It's me choosing to write, just to write, without any agenda, because it's so much better then not writing anything this week. Because when my depression hits and I feel like I'm not good enough, I need to remind myself that I have a unique personal view of life, which automatically offers my clients something that no one else can give them. I don't need to be perfect at every aspect of business to be successful, but I need to always grow, learn and move forward. I need to stop looking to my left and right to see what others are doing, but just focus straight ahead on my goals and dreams, on how I can improve my services for better client experience, and how I can draw in new leads so that my business can continue to grow.

This week, I'm choosing to remind myself that my knowledge of wedding topics and details helps my clients, but it's my heart, attitude and drive that sets me apart from every other industry pro who knows about wedding topics and details.

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“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." - Mark 10:9

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